Where Did the Morning Go?
Is it just me or is my ability to manage my time completely derailed one year into the pandemic? I get up early, I mean really really, like ridiculously stupid early. I do this so that I can take care of myself and attend to all the things I love to do that make me feel like a person living her life instead of a cog in everyone else’s machine.
I will be the first to admit that my morning routine is bordering on the ludicrous and is not really sustainable…but still I persist.
This morning I took the liberty to sleep in until 5:30 am. So I lost 1.5 hours of “my” time which has placed me wayyyy behind the power curve all day.
Normally this would spin me out. This would make me nuts and I would feel completely out of sorts all day. Like I was running to stand still. But I don’t. And I can thank the pandemic for that.
My rigid, unrelenting schedule for myself and others has had to take a back seat to life unfolding in real time. I, as we all have this past year, have been forced to deal with the delusion that I ever had any control at all. I am really relatively powerless in the grand scheme of things, the universe spinning on its axis just fine without my involvement or even my existence really.
I have realized that life and time are only mine on a moment to moment basis and that has turned out to be revolutionary idea in my life.
Today the time went as it was supposed to. I attended to the stuff that needed to be attended to and guess what? It all got done, well the important things anyway. Animals fed, children fed and where they were supposed to be. Work attended to. Me, also, amazingly attended to…BY ME, FOR ME and ABOUT ME!
I didn’t get it all done today and the time went by as time will do with my never ending to do list never being done or accomplished…but today I realized that the time went and that was just fine by me.
I connected with people today instead of adhering to Erin’s script of how life should go. I talked and had meaningful connection with other people on this planet. And I feel good about that.
So the time went but it was not wasted as I used to think. It was spent on things that are the most important things in my life which are not things at all, it was spent on people. The people I know, love, care for and deeply respect, admire and genuinely like. I talked to my sponsor for two hours. I talked to my mom. I laughed with people in a meeting that I don’t know that well but I really look forward to seeing every day. I talked to a new sponsee and listened to her tell me about her life. I talked to my kids and tried to not let my activity addiction be a barrier to an intimate connection with them. I talked to my co-workers and hopefully made their lives and day better.
So the time didn’t go, I spent it. I spent it intentionally, lovingly and thoughtfully. And I got a topic for today’s blog, albeit it written hours late but done nevertheless.
And I realized that I love this life I have and it really has nothing to do with my stupid morning routine and schedule. It has everything to do with the people I often put off in order to slave to a schedule and routine that makes me feel safe and secure but really does nothing to connect me to these other beings I am sharing my life with…
So I didn’t waste time, but spent it with heart, intention and love. And, to be clear, I have had a great day so far and I think (at least I hope) I made other people’s day brighter too.