The Secret to Happiness Is…

Not wearing pants.

No I am not kidding.

This is my current belief system. And I am holding fast to it.

I was talking with a friend this morning, she is on the East Coast so we have early morning convos sometimes. And we exchange gratitude lists every day, and today (and I quote) one of her gratitude items was

“Buying myself a new pair of more adult pants I like.”

Well, I couldn’t just let that one alone.

Here is the interchange that followed:

Me:

What in God’s name are adult pants?

Her:

Hahahahahah 🤣🤣

Me:

I must see a photo of such nonsense!

Her:

“Like work pants “

Me:

Haha — why would you buy those?

You are the only person I know who is grateful for those…everyone else is grateful when they don’t have to wear them anymore!

The best part about this exchange is that I could hear you laugh in my head

Her

Lol I probably won’t even wear them, or have no reason to lol. I’m dying laughing. But my thought was, everyone else wears these things and I want to be more adult like them

Me:

Oh geez

DO NOT try to be more adult…

Don’t you know adulting is the biggest con of all.

And no adult I know is really very happy

Her:

😭😭😭😂😂😂

Me:

Except maybe the Dalhi Lama

He is happy and he wears a dress

Likely with no underwear which is why is he happy all the time -

This is what almost 53 years has brought me — “the secret to happiness in life is not wearing pants”

And I think I just found today’s blog post.

Her:

Omg the best!!!

I am far from adulting any time soon, but the thought of appearing that way sounded good for a minute.

Buddha is naked too right?

Me:

YES!

Her:

No clothes !

Me:

Do not believe the CON!

I tell you as soon as my kids are gone and out of the house, I am going to be naked pretty much all the time

Her:

🤣🤣🤣 I will never forget that now!

Me:

Which is ironic because I have more clothing than any person should

Her:

Oh how I love you!!

Me:

Yes you have been warned, drop by at your own peril!

Her:

Hey if it’s the key to happiness, I’ll drop by and drop my pants too 😆

Me:

FUCK YES!

Her:

😂 I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!

Me:

Mission accomplished!

Her:

❤️❤️❤️

And there you have it. The secret to life is not wearing pants!

You are welcome!

The best part about this whole interchange is that I knew exactly what she meant about the adult pants when I read it. I can’t tell you how often I have purchased an item of clothing because I thought it would make me: more adult, more acceptable, more cool, more whateverthefuck I thought I lacked in the moment. I have so bought into the delusion that if I can buy it I can change myself with the purchase. And thereby alter the course of my life.

Better living through shopping…

And it works, for a little while.

The great fallacy though is that I am not already complete as I am. I mean really? Adult pants are going to do the trick?

No they are not. Not for her, not for me, not for anyone anywhere…but we believe it and thus there are millions of people on the planet with “adult like pants” in their closets that will never be worn but were purchased with the idea that they will somehow complete the person buying them. Filling in the gaping hole of adulting that is currently lacking in their life. BRILLIANT!

Of course, this doesn’t work. And really there are likely adult pants everywhere that need to be liberated from closets worldwide!

I have some myself…well, until today. They are going immediately in my donate pile and I pledge to never, ever buy anymore adult pants in my life…well, until I need the REAL adult pants which I hope is never.

The older I get the less clothing I want to wear. It is like clothing has been this great burden all of my life and now at the ripe old age of 52, I can finally escape the confines of adulthood by thumbing my nose (and maybe a couple of other body parts) at convention and saying “Fuck this! I am not wearing pants any longer!”

If you come by my house and it is warm outside, I am wearing a bikini. And I am sitting in the backyard. Working. Doing Yard Work. Reading in the sun. You name it, I am likely doing it wearing only a bathing suit and somedays, I am not even wearing that.

I know, I am weird. But there is such a great freedom being released from all that is proper and “adult.” I want to be more kid like and run through the sprinkler of life sans clothing, most especially pants.

I am not sure how pants became representative of all the terrible things about being an adult but it did for me. And now, the two are inseparable.

Pants = responsibility.

No pants = freedom.

Yes, I know I am nuts. And I love that about me.

So to recap, you have been warned, do not drop by my house unannounced, unless you too are a pantless freak of nature. Then by all means, drop on by!

I am reclaiming my youth and adolescence one day at a time, and I am choosing those days to be sans pants.

The idea of adult pants is such a good metaphor for me. This concept that I can wear something that will provide me the stability and status that I see other people claim with such ease. For me, it has always come harder.

Then one day, I woke up and thought, “fuck this, I don’t even want what I am chasing. I do not want the clothes, the car, the house, the career!” I have to own that I was able to reach that conclusion because I guess I did accomplish it…but I saw the futility of chasing that which is truly meaningless…and adult pants tops that list.

I want to spend time with people I love that love me back.

I want to write good stuff and share it with others

I want to help people find their way through hard things.

I want to be of service.

I want to walk in nature and be present.

I want to love without conditions and to laugh as often as possible.

None of the above requires me to be an adult, or to wear adult pants. Thank God!

Yes, I am aware that most of the people I know would prefer to skip the awkwardness of me pantless so I will accommodate with youthful pants that do not hold all the trappings of adulthood when you come over or I do any of the above. I have no desire to end up in jail or labeled a pervert…but I am serious about living my life as close to natural as I can and the bathing suit option is about as close as I can get right now.

Be warned, that if I ever get my ranch with 40 acres, well, you know.

Happy Thursday everyone. Let your pantless freak flag fly and enjoy the hell out of your life. And for Christ sake, Do NOT buy adult pants…like ever.

OMG! There is a whole day dedicated to no pants! I have found my people! And now a mission to go to NYC and ride the subway pantless…who is with me?

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Erin Schaden

Erin Schaden

Who am I? I am all that I write, all that I learn, share and grow. Read and find out? Check out www.nakedrandomthoughts.com for more.