The Last F#*ckable Day…

Thanks to Amy Schumer, we have a name for this phenomenon. It is the day women cross over from matron to crone. No one fucks a crone. No one except some guy that will be featured on America’s Most Wanted later on.

Let’s face it, men have a lifetime of fuckability. They are fuckable until their final day on earth. Even though we all know that men likely lose their fuckability long before women do. Take a look around any high school reunion, you tell me who wins the test of time: the women or the men? It is the women en masse every single fucking time.

Why?

Because we have to. We have to prolong our fuckability as long as we can. Everyone tells us so. It is everywhere we look. Everyfuckingwhere! The media tells us. Society tells us. Hollywood, well they fucking require it! And in fact, they define it.

There is a magical line for all of us women, that we do not know exactly when our time will be; when we will cease to be vixen like and become old. And in our society older women are useful for taking care of grandkids, knitting, political rallies and hosting Thanksgiving dinners. And maybe baking…jury is still out on that.

This does not mean that women don’t have sexual desire that stretches far out long past society’s decision as to how long we are actually fuckable. The truth is most women give up way earlier than society makes them cross the line. Mostly because they get to an age of disgust with men and all their shitty behavior that they just would rather skip sex and all its attendant bullshit than to have to endure, even for five minutes, men at all.

I mean, for many women, we have been taking care of our own needs for the duration of our lives. We have been giving ourselves orgasms regularly which most men would find soul crushing if they knew how often women fake it. And then again, who am I kidding, it would crush maybe three or four male souls. They really don’t care. Except to feed their egos. If I had a nickel for every guy I have slept with that told me they were totally into getting their pleasure from my pleasure, only to get to the main event and have them give me a completely lack luster performance that wouldn’t get even the woman that can cum on command, off. I would have a surprising number of nickels.

We have been raising children alone. Working three jobs to make ends meet. We have been cooking, cleaning, parenting, working, maintaining our appearance and living our lives, often totally solo even while married. Which is why the leap from life with men to life without men for women is such a short leap. It isn’t a leap at all, it is really just the slamming of a door that we are so fucking tired of dealing with that it is just easier to shut the fucker and never look back.

And I am not only talking about single older women. I am talking about married ones too. Go sit and listen to the conversation of a group of older women who are married. Listen to what they say. Their husbands are often viewed as a liability, a known hazard or something they put up with because leaving them would be too hard. Women do life on their own, often.

So I think, in fact I know, all of us have the last fuckable day. It is just a matter of whether we decide it or society does it for us. So I figure since it is coming anyway, why not take control of its arrival? Let’s us all decide our own last fuckable day. Let’s celebrate it. Embrace it and then enjoy the peace and freedom that comes on the other side, where we no longer have to give a shit about maintaining any level of sex appeal to entice men to glance our way.

I do want to give a huge thank you to the younger generation of men coming up. They have given an extra 10 or maybe even 20 years to our fuckability. This whole “older women are hot” thing has been a super longevity giver in the whole fuckability thing. I am not sure what I did to deserve being alive in a time where a young, hot thing wants me, but I am grateful. Youth is totally wasted on the young! And I am grateful that I, as an older woman, have the ability, should I so desire, to dip my toe in that pool. And we all know, I have perhaps done that a couple of times.

I am not sure when my last fuckable day is coming. But I can feel it presence in ways I couldn’t before. I am not wishing to bring it on sooner but I will say that men’s inability to close the deal, often, doesn’t help me want to delay the last fuckable day’s arrival.

Honestly, for many women my age and older, the last fuckable day comes as a relief. It comes as a life giver and permission to stop giving a fuck about so many things and devote our time attention and interest to things we actually want to do like travel, collect cats, knit, sew, cook, read, write, hike, lunch with other women who are similarly happy to cross the line over into unfuckabilty.

I mean, there are some women out there that really don’t want that day to come, but perhaps that isn’t because they want sex so much but because they know that sex is an avenue to comfort and perhaps not having to work so hard. And yes, you can call that whatever you want to call it. I call it the reality of being female in this world. You always have to consider men and their opinions. It doesn’t even matter if you fuck men at all, ever. It is their drives and desires that often control our destinys…and if you think I am wrong, please review women’s history in this world. It has only been a few decades since we were not considered property, like for reals.

I think for most women over 60 the last fuckable day comes with grace and peace and not some sort of resigned indignation. We welcome the crone era because it gives us freedom we never had before: the resources to do what we please, the approval of the only one that matters (us) and the cloak of invisibility in life. The older you get as a woman, the less you are seen in society. And once you become invisible, the world is your fucking oyster! You can do whatever the fuck you want because literally no one is watching…except for those weird perverts that prey on older women…who are, by the way, always fucking men.

So there is that.

Doing what I want, when I want, not caring that I might look less than a hottie, the ability to move through the world unseen and unnoticed, sounds like fucking heaven. Maybe I need to rethink the arrival of my last fuckable day…maybe, I want to move up its due date. I mean, why the fuck not? What am I really gaining by delaying its arrival?

To me, sounds like I am only postponing a life completely on my own terms. Now why the fuck would I want to do that??