Have you ever felt it?
There is almost nothing better.
I said almost…
I have always been a runner. In all the usual ways: away from things that scare me, towards things that are bad for me and then actual miles on pavement or treadmill.
There have been times that I have had to curtail my actual running due to injury or, as much as I hate to admit it, aging. But recently I have begun running again and I have had that euphoric feeling ever since. There is something in the jarring nature of running that my soul needs. I do not know why, I just know that the pounding of the pavement does my soul some sort of good that it just cannot be attained through easier means, like the elliptical or the fucking stair master. I don’t care what you say, whomever created the stair master was a mind numbingly boring person with perverse sentiments of what is actually good for you. I would really rather poke my eye with a sharp stick than take five steps on that fucker.
But running, man, that is the shit. I get a high every single time. Sometimes the high is super high and sometimes it is more just a pervasive feeling of being good, in my body, mind and spirit.
Yesterday was one of those days that I felt like I could run forever. I was running hard, fast and it just felt amazing the whole time. Today was not that day. Today was harder, it took me longer to cover the same ground and a lot longer to work up to top speed. Regardless of the two very different experiences, I felt high both times. And I will fully admit, I fucking love running in large part because of the euphoric access state running provides.
I love what it does to my abs also which I am not going to lie, is super fucking important to me. I don’t really care if my thighs turn flabby or my ass jiggles, I care that my stomach is flat and toned and does not look like bread dough rising. Muffin top? That makes me want to never leave the house again. I know, I have issues.
I am grateful I am able to run again. I am grateful I can still achieve that feeling of euphoria that I got for the first time years ago. I am grateful to the way running makes me feel inside and out. I am not sure how many years left I have, so I am going to love the fuck out of it while I can.
And you know, even if that ecstasy ends, I love what running provides me mentally — a period of time where my body and I are not at war, where we seem to be present in a way that we are not any other time. And I am so incredibly grateful that occasionally, more often than I actually should, running makes me feel elated.
Now if I can just work out these other issues I have with running due to emotional stress, strife and fear, I just might be able to sustain this felicity forever…so says ever addict ever.