People Who Light You Up…

In my life, there are people who glance off my life that either open me up or shut me down. It isn’t a liking or disliking because the opening and shutting occurs before I even know who they are, how they are and have enough information to form an educated opinion…

It is energetic. It is something that happens automatically. I can feel pulled into their orbit and that pull has the effect on me of either opening my heart up or closing it off completely.

Have you ever had that experience where you met someone and you instantly wanted to spend more time with them? Have all the conversations and just be in their presence, caring little to nothing of what you do? That is the opening.

And now, have you ever had the experience that even though the person did nothing “wrong”, didn’t say anything offensive, weird or inappropriate, you just want to get the fuck away from them? That is the closing.

It isn’t about like or similar interests or even intentions. There is just this energetic exchange that happens when we meet another that either pulls us closer or shoves us apart. And we need both people in our lives to ensure we maintain a balance.

For me, it is in noticing how I feel after an exchange with someone new that I pay most attention to. It is right there and then that I decide whether or not I am going to move forward any further with the person or high tail it outta there.

There are a lot of factors that override this natural energetic exchange…

Alcohol

Uncontrollable sexual chemistry

Unhealed childhood wounds

Daddy or mommy issues

Attachment styles

Ignorance

For me, it is mostly not slowing down long enough to see that something very real is happening just below the surface. I have been receiving information that I need to pay close attention to…and I need to sit with it a spell before I then act upon it. When any of the above interference factors are in play I have to be super diligent in my commitment to kind of sounding a person out…to take my time and see how their energy feels when blended with mine.

Sometimes it is a slow burn and other times an immediate combustion. I tend to have a harder time with the slow burns, often losing interest before I have really done the work involved to interpret what I feel in this person’s presence. And I have mistaken combustion for a myriad of other things instead of just allowing that first initial almost pre-thought impression to be called so many other things other than fucking danger.

But one of the benefits of age is that you have been round house kicked in the ass enough that you begin to pay attention to things you just didn’t notice before. Birds, being one of them. All of a sudden in midlife you are noticing the birds and what they are doing. They have been here all along but fuck if we noticed them, unless their presence was glaring.

But people and the way they show up is something that should be vitally important to you when you hit about 50.

I am now acutely aware of those people in my life who open me up and light me up. And they are the people I choose to spend my time with as much as I can. I no longer chase the hard, distant people wanting to somehow pull them into my orbit and change their negative atoms for positive ones. I realize I am capable of this, but the energy and effort expended is often not worth it, like at all.

As weird as it sounds, I walk around in this life a lot now just trying people’s energy on. I walk down a street and I pay attention to that base level feeling that comes over me when I encounter someone else. I notice whether they light me up or close me down. And then I do the harder work which is to allow that presence sense impression to guide my behavior going forward.

What used to be a hunch or a feeling has now become a working part of my brain and mind. I allow that generalized feeling of someone to dictate what I do next with the information. And I will tell you, I walk away now far more often than I used to…

Today, I want those people who light me up the closest to me. To have them encircle and enrich my life. I have no more space for people who offgas negativity or just a generalized level of difficulty that surpasses their value added. I just want to live and be as happy as I can while still living in the reality of my life. It isn’t possible to be happy all the time, but it is possible to be positive, even about negative people and things in your life.

And today, I am positive that I want to be surrounded with people who light me up and turn me on in ways that feel comfortable, life supporting and sustaining…

Now, here…please.