Hello February!

I don’t know about you but I am so glad that 700th day of January is over. I was sick for the entire month and I am just glad to see it ended. Seriously it is my least favorite month of the year. It always feels like its thirty one days are never ending, I am sure this year it was made worse by my never ending symptoms and COVID. Fuck it was a hard month.

February is a welcome reprieve. It is Black History Month which I love. It brings thoughts of love, romantic and otherwise. While I still am a card carrying member of the “I hate Valentine’s Day Club”, I love it for everyone else who seems to enjoy the holiday. And to be clear, if you missed my previous rants about Valentine’s Day, it is not any bitterness about being single that fuels my detest, no I hate it regardless of my dating status. I think I might actually look forward to hating it…fuck, I am fucked up.

Anyway, even the month that has the worst holiday is better than the interminable January. February is short and unpredictable, well, not really, every four years it is lengthen by a day. Which makes it weird and wacky and in my world, that is akin to making it almost the coolest month of the year.

Anyway, yes, I know I am weird. Most people don’t have these weird alliances with months that I do. But maybe that is wrong, maybe they do. We are all shaped by our experiences, good and bad. The anniversary of a death can just fuck the entire month or perhaps even season. I know November is a hard month for my family and it has proved to be a little rough the last two years as well. But November shall never fall out of favor because I adore Thanksgiving and my birthday and my mom’s birthday being so close in proximity — favorite meal and holiday and my birthday which I am way less excited about now than years past but still, I still kind of love the month.

March is my sobriety birthday and my dad’s birthday so it is a pretty great month even though I kind of lose my mind right up until my sober anniversary. Like every single year. It is like the universe gives me a look back on the emotional state I was in in 1995. A little flashback to help usher me into a new year of sobriety. But then as I edge closer to March 22, I am rushed forward with growth and gratitude. And all is well. March is tops with me.

April is spring break and my daughter’s birthday. Both of which I have always loved! It is weird to think in less than four years, I will no longer really have a spring break. I guess my kids will still have spring break from college, so this tradition will go on for a little while longer. It is weird to think about how much my life is going to change in just a few short years.

May and June are great months, warm, beach filled. School ending and the freedom of summer promised. I am not sure why I still get so excited about it, I do not really get a summer vacation. I do usually get a kid free week or two in June and that is super nice. I don’t really ever do anything but it is just nice to only have myself to look out for a change.

July is usually family vacation and that is something I look forward to every year. So do the kids. We go somewhere with my parents and the kids and we just do fun family things. We usually take the dogs so that is a lot of fun too, most especially for them!

August is my son’s birthday and my parent’s anniversary and back to school and that is also a welcome notion. The kids are usually bored and missing their friends so back to school, while they hate it and protest, I am always super excited for the return of routine and a little more freedom for me.

September and October are really still summer in Southern California so I enjoy the delayed beach days and sitting on the beach in October feeling just blessed to live here.

November is my favorite month for reasons I have already mentioned. Even though it seems like recently there have been some pretty hard times in November. Regardless I still love it.

December is equally awesome as I am a Christmas person. I love the whole damn thing. And I am just as excited to see it come as go. Feels like a balance.

But fucking January. I am not a fan. This year really dropped it a couple of pegs in my book by being hit with COVID January 1st and then spending the next seeming 700 days in never ending illness.

I am excited for January to be done and gone for another year. I know that it isn’t really January’s fault, but I kind of feel about that month like one would about the visit of a prying, nagging aunt that is all up in your business, just won’t leave you alone and never shuts up. In a word, I am glad the bitch is gone. And I am considering moving so she won’t know where to find me next year. Except, January isn’t a pesky aunt, but a month of my life that I get to live and learn and love and sometimes, endure.

I learned a lot this past month, and not just that it sucked. It didn’t, a lot of great stuff happened while I was down. I grew in ways that I needed to and was given gifts that are turning out to be quite precious. So I guess as I end this somewhat pointless rant, I am as grateful for the things I learned in January as I am for the month to be over. Which probably means that it was a month well lived and needed, which is really all time ever teaches us…there will always be good and bad, things we like and things we don’t. It is really about what we do with them that counts. So January wasn’t a waste, but I am still super excited for February! I don’t need a Valentine, but can I please just have my health back? That would be fucking awesome.