Acceptance…

I like things a certain way. My way, generally. I want people to do what I want them to do, when I want them to. But that is a hard way to live this life. People do not, in fact, do what I want them to do, often. Life does not turn on a dime subject to the whims of me. Life proceeds, often in directions I think are all fucking wrong. But it isn’t.

Whenever I get out of whack, I have to remember that everything is happening exactly as it should. That there is some sort of divine intelligence out there with some higher purposes and intentions happening that I am only marginally capable of knowing. I may think this or that should happen, but I cannot know it all, in fact, I know only a little.

I do not know what is supposed to happen. Hell, I am not even sure I know what is happening when it is happening. That can be a very destabilizing feeling. Until, I realize that I am only supposed to know what I have right now. I can always access this moment right here. And in this moment, I have everything I need. I have shelter, I have warmth, I have food and safety. And these are foundational in my life. And they have been so blessedly commonplace in my life, that I take them for granted. I have had them so continually for so long that I forget to remember that not everyone has these things. But I do. At least right here, right now.

I can find no peace in this life without accepting that life is unfolding exactly the way it is supposed to. My life is the way it is supposed to be right here, right now. And when I accept the things that I like and the ones that I don’t, I bring on a feeling of immediate peace.

Acceptance is the doorway that gate keeps peace of mind. I will have none of it unless and until I walk through and sit down. I cannot will happiness, or love, or peace or any number of other things into existence. I can only accept what is here and now and trust that if I like it, it will change. And that if I do not, it will also change.

Accepting doesn’t require me to like it. It just requires that I accept reality as reality and understand that whether I like it or not, regardless, it will change at some point in the future. When I can put this in the forefront of my mind, all that happens just occurs and I am released, at least for the moment from believing or insisting that things should be other than how they are.

Feelings of balance and peace come to me when I am able to see that it is all unfolding as it is supposed to and sometimes I will love it, sometimes I will hate it, and while the feelings I have about whatever is happening are temporary, so is everything else. I will change. The circumstance of my life will change. Life will always shift and alter course. It is just what life does.

And for me, I will find NO peace until I am able to see that nothing is supposed to be different, including me.

Again, still.